Conversation Recordings

#1: Riot Control

Mr. Mahi: This man is Citizen Riot. He's in the city and he needs to go away. He doesn't need to die. He just needs to get out of this city.

Skinner: As much as I appreciate the money, Mahi, this is low-level scrub work. My boys are more…for the interesting side of the game. Why hire us out for this?

Mr. Mahi: He has skills, and what's worse, he has a fan club. If you can't follow the contract then leave.

Skinner: Don't worry. There's more than one way to skin a man.

Tanner: We'll make sure he knows that he's not welcome in Mainport.


#2: Speed Chess

Boss Negro: Mahi is getting a little too big for his britches, he thinks he's the king of Mainport! He thinks that his word is law! I am getting tired of him!

Madubwana: Patience my boy, you have to learn the virtue of patience. Mahi is a man of little foresight, he sees the world and only thinks of how it can benefit him. Let him have his fun, let him rule the little people. We have other things to keep track of.

Boss Negro: But will this not impede your plans?

Madubwana: My boy, though you have always been my best student, you too lack the vision to see the game I play. As long as the pieces are on the board my plans proceed uninterrupted, every move they make just furthers the goal. Mahi seeks to unify the gangs, and the drug dealers, and the other small insects under his rule, so let him. It will keep the Professor and those like him busy, our work will go smoother this way.

Boss Negro: I see.

Madubwana: Now go, I want you to have some fun. There's a group of kids down on the lower east side who have decided to cause some trouble for a few of my special interests. Teach them a lesson, but don't kill them… yet. I have use for them.


#3: A New Threat

Captain Santoros: We can't, we still haven't picked up Master Aza'gani or half the inmates from the Mainport Penitentiary

Professor Badass: We will. We can bring Mainport back.

Captain Santoros: Aren't you worried about escalation?

Professor Badass: Escalation?

Captain Santoros: We start carrying rocket launchers, they buy laser guns, we start wearing tritanium armor, they buy diamond-piercing rounds, and *you're* wearing a sweet suitand jumping off rooftops. take this guy: armed robbery, double homicide. Got a taste for the theatrical, like you. Leaves a calling card.

(opens a gift card that plays a musical tune)

Happy Birthday from Tricky Dicky! It'll be your last!


#4: A Congress of Kings

Mr. Mahi: I'm a warrior of my people, Boss Negro. That's why I do what I do. But what are you exactly?

Boss Negro: A soldier.

Mr. Mahi: Touche. If you don't call off Madubwana. This will lead to war.

Boss Negro: All you have are fools in masks. I have raw power.

Mr. Mahi: There's a little woman called Sister Soul who'd disagree with you.

Boss Negro: That double-crossing bitch…this war stays cold…for now…


#5: A Call to Arms

The "heroes" have increased their ranks,
They send children to fight our men,
They entangle themselves in our webs!
The "heroes" have grown too bold with their victories over lowest subordinates,
It is time to remind them why WE rule this city!
It is time to strengthen our forces,
It is time to send an army unrivaled in experience and undenied of victory,
It is time to call, Potrovich!


#6: The Oncoming Storm

Techno Viking: The tide may soon be turning my friends.

Professor Badass: I don't know about that, I sense a great evil gathering strength here. Something big is coming, I don't know if we can survive it.

Carnevale: I have sensed a great unease in the heart of the city also. She screams as if something was tearing away at her, and the dreams. Such horrible dreams.

Techno Viking: Hah! Then we will meet it head on, and if we fall, then I will see you in the halls of Valhalla!

P.A. Dapper: I don't plan on dying anytime soon, I mean what would the women of Mainport do without me?

Professor Badass: I have to get back to the lab, I have to figure this out before something terrible happens.


#7: Of Beasts and Men

Tooth: Stay out of my way boy

The Shepard: I can't let you keep doing this brother

Tooth: I ain't your brother and I ain't stopin! This city would kill me and mine and me and Claw will rip this town's throat out first!

The Shepard: I will stop you Tooth.

Tooth: How? I'm stronger than you. Meaner. Faster.

The Shepard: You might be. But you aren't fighting me. You fight nature its self!

PETA Peter: THAT HYENA BELONGS IN THE WILD YOU SON OF A BITCH!
(shoots wildly at Tooth and knocks are piece rubble of a building about to fall on Little Miss)

Tooth: Little Miss! Watch out!
(an eagle swoops Little Miss out the way)

The Shepard: She's safe now.

Tooth:…. Thank you. Dis don't change nothin between us though fool boy. But before I take you out. I kill this bloodclot

The Shepard: Just don't get in my way brother.

Tooth: That's my line. And don't call me brother


#8: Idle Things

Marshal: Hey! Hey! I'm talking to you, Newbie!

Newbie: Uh, yes sir.

Marshal: You did good out there, real good, so good in fact that you made quite the impression.

Newbie: That's good to hear, I hope to—

Marshal: In fact, you caught the Idle's attention. She want's you to report to her cabin, where she will personally give you your next assignment.

Newbie: Really? Really! This is an honor.

Marshal: Yeah, now you better get a move on it. The Idle doesn't like to be kept waiting.

Continued in Idle Tales, #1 by Esk


#9: Faustian Pact

Mr. Mahi: I think you more than anyone can appreciate what needs to be done here, Professor. We've both played into Madubwana's hands for far too long. But I've been a bit of a chess player even before I went from pirate to chairman. I've seen the board, Professor Badass, and there's only one move you can make…that we can both make, that would truly surprise him.

Professor Badass: No. I have five rules, and rule number one is I don't shack up with extortionists and murderers like you.

Mr. Mahi: How unfortunate…how does wasting the opportunity Citizen Riot's sacrifice bought you fit into your…high-minded morals?

Professor Badass: You mother-fucker…he's still alive…

Mr. Mahi: I've employed the Sade Squad enough times to know that Riot will yearn for the day that he'll wish he wasn't. Playing apart, Madubwana knows our every move. Playing together…well, it affords us valuable opportunities…

Professor Badass: Such as?

Mr. Mahi: The only thing that keeps him alive in this city is the lap-dog drug-lord that brought him back from the Congo. But Boss Negro would need some…persuasion of the magi-technological kind to bite the hand that feeds him. Persuasion, that you know all too well…

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